Thank you

‚ÄčFrom: Felicitas Fortuna

To: Seabiscuit

Subject: Thank You

[Name],

Thank you for being honest with me about seeing someone else. It hurt more than I thought it would. Kissing you before we said goodbye was a mistake. We should not kiss again.

It was cowardly of you not to tell me sooner, and it hurt that you kept it from me. That was not kind of you to hide the truth from me; after what we shared, that is what hurts me most. I couldn’t bear to ask for how long, but I will guess a few months from what you said. 

I am sorry I was foolish enough not to get it sooner. I told myself your lack of response to my emails was due to all the stress and family drama, and I tried to be supportive as much as I could. Now I realize you were a coward and did not want to face the truth and tell me the truth. I wonder if anything you said when you broke up with me was true; it does not feel like it. How could you say you didn’t feel you should be in a relationship and needed to work on some things only to start dating someone else?

The problem is not that nothing good comes of being honest; the problem is you hid what you should have told. You knew you should have told me, but you did not. I would not have flirted with you if I had known you were seeing someone else. I wouldn’t have kissed you either. I doubt your current girlfriend knows you’ve kissed me so much. Well, you better tell her when you break up with her. She deserves to know.

I won’t ask to spend time with you. I won’t invite you to any additional events outside of the plays already scheduled for CS and LCT. Those words you said, I couldn’t tell if they were meant for her or me or both of us: “You like me too much and want to spend too much time with me, and I want to be free.” Well, I get it now. I won’t waste my time.

I deserve better. I deserve honesty and kindness, as all friends should, and I do not see that in your actions. If you want to be friends, you will have to do better and work harder at it.

But you are free, for whatever that is worth. You are free.

F

Where I’m Calling From

I emailed Patrick that if he would like to meet me, my schedule will be busy starting in July, so we should meet up soon if he wanted to get together.

He replied with how he felt at the thought of meeting me:

So here’s what I say.  If you’d like to get together sooner rather than later, I am good to go. Here’s the funny part – I’m getting all nervous about it.  “What will I say?” – that doesn’t seem to have been a problem so far.  “What if she doesn’t like me?” – too late for that, you dumbass.  It’s like I’m going to the Junior Prom; it’s absolutely ridiculous.  I WILL NOT be bringing a corsage.

He had one condition for us making it a calendar date.

One more thing (and this was going to be a short, quick note).  I’d like to hear your voice.

So to figure out the details, I needed to schedule a call. I, too, felt nervous about calling and meeting. Butterflies. Butterflies in my stomach. Everywhere.

I was supposed to call yesterday morning after returning home from my Aunt’s house. But my cousin scheduled a last minute morning hike that took longer than expected. I tried to make the hike more adventurous and interesting for my 7 year old nephew by imparting wisdom about metamorphic rock. As one can never hurry a 7 year old who is excited about rocks, the hike took longer than expected: intrigued, my nephew wanted to stop and ask me about a different rock every five steps on a hike.

In the meantime, Patrick sent the following email:

Dear F-

Just before you call, I would like to point out that what we are doing is the very essence of romance.

Patrick

When I finally called, he grumbled,  “You’re late!” But he laughed immediately, so I knew then that it was only feigned anger.

We talked for nearly 2 hours.

I felt both relaxed and confused by the end of it.

During our call, he said, “You are less than half my age. There can never be anything romantic between us.” 

He also said, “I knew you weren’t expecting this out of your Craigslist posting, nor was I.” (But doesn’t that mean some feelings are there?)

And before we hung up he said, “I was very nervous about the idea of meeting you, but now I can’t wait to see you.”

M thinks perhaps Patrick is downplaying the romance to avoid setting expectations before we meet. He did say something in a previous email about that. Along with he gets the importance to “strike while the iron is hot” in response to my availability diminishing in July.

I don’t know what to think. I guess I will find out soon. Our date is Saturday.

Deep thoughts before bedtime

Did I just fall in love with a 60 year old man? Shit.

He joked I should call him for Father’s Day. He has a son close to my age.

The number of emails we’ve exchanged in a week’s time is higher than anyone else. When I see a new email him just before bedtime, my heart beats faster.

He is a romantic. I laugh at his old man jokes. He sent me a photo of the sunset outside his home. He adores my emails as much as I his. He gets it. We get each other. 

Did this really just happen?